today matt asked me, “were you in love with sean?” and i hesitated. i really, really just couldn’t come up with a quick response. because i thought i was, knew i was, KNOW i was. so i finally settled on, “at least part of the time.”
then matt, mike, and i were talking about how we might already know the people we are going to marry and just not be aware of it yet. it’s kind of overwhelming to think about. and that reminded me of the time sean told me he had his proposal to me all planned out. i am glad i recently lost all of the e-mails about these things.
“sometimes you have to just let go. why can’t you let go?”
“because.”
“because why?”
“maybe someday when i think you’ll understand, i’ll tell you.”
i’m glad i never explained my reasoning. and i’m glad that my last words were something so profound. i’m happy to be growing up, moving on, getting over the past, becoming less afraid of being hurt but knowing it could still happen anyway. i can’t wait to go to college and at the same time i will be leaving so much behind.
summer, please get here and stay awhile.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
i know what you’re saying
i feel so much of the same things.
ready to be grown up and doing things on my own but at the same time so fucking afraid of losing everything.
but every relationship anyone is in has its risks of someone getting hurt, just the way it is. no one wants to think about it right then, but when the time comes, that’s all thats on their mind.
kristen, your ability to remember word for word what people say scares me sometimes…
those are profound words indeed. dont worry, we will always have our memories of the good things to keep us company at state.
i like the last line of you lj a lot. it is very simplistic, yet very profound.