i miss you and your green(!) eyes. and your hair. you’re so beautiful and it hurts to look at you and know i can’t call you mine anymore. at least for now, but quite possibly for ever. it’s kind of a horrible thought. and it’s difficult for me to comprehend that we aren’t together anymore, because it’s not like you are here for me to act any differently around you, or vice-versa.
so i’m going to back off and let both of us have space & time. i think i will eventually still call and want to hang out and such, but laying low until thanksgiving or so sounds good (even if we were still together, i wouldn’t have been able to REALLY see you until then anyway). know that i’m still rooting for you, kid. to get into glassmen, to be accepted to your first choice university, to excel at winterguard.
wow. we timed this pretty bad. the wisconsin game, huddle dates, and the holidays. ouch. well …. i guess i buy christmas presents for my friends.
also, know that i am the kind of person who never stops loving. yes, it will eventually be in a different way, but i will never stop. if sean ever needed anything, he could come to me and i would have to concede. (to quote previous thoughts: “…i could not say no. not because i am still in love with him, but because i once was.”) if you ever need anything, anything at all, you know where to find me.
you’re amazing. you’re also always right: i will be okay. just not today.