i was in my prime when adam turned down derek’s speakers and let me sing the chorus to that britney spears christmas song. “karaoke style” he called it. today i asked jessica, “so how offkey WAS i?” she told me, “kristen, your voice is amazing, apparently sober or not.”
they TOLD me to be quiet. nathaniel hauled me out of derek’s room and told me to slow the fuck down. then as soon as he turned around i was back in the room like lightning, polishing off my own mixed drink as well as derek’s. i then proceeded to pour myself two and a half more shots of 99 bananas. i vaguely remember casey looking at me incredulously and asking, “you’re going to drink that STRAIGHT, kristen?” i obviously was beyond myself already. 99 bananas = 99 proof = strong shit.
last night gave new meaning to the term “shitfaced”. i woke up this morning, sat up and said, “you guys, i puked.” matt came back with, “yeah, four times.” and i didn’t believe him, i really didn’t … i said, “no, it was only once.” not until matt held up his sweatshirt from the night before that was covered in my snot and vomit did i truly start to believe him. i remember matt lifting and carrying me into the bathroom, where i puked. and in between bursts i was wailing, “i’m sorry, matt. matt, i’m so sorry. i’m sorry … i’m sorry.” matt said he could tell exactly what the last thing i drank was because my puke was pink and still smelled like bananas.
i kept apologizing to everyone, for what i’m not quite sure. sam sat on the floor next to the futon and i kept reaching out and touching his face. (right. another person i can’t quite seem to grasp.) i told him that he has a clean nose. then i cried for a solid two hours. amidst my mumblings i kept saying, “don’t tell mike; please don’t call him.” i also kept saying how i was going to get kicked out of the honors college (not for drinking, for my grades). i told matt that i am in love with him (which is untrue). he said, “i love you, too, kristen.” and i argued, “no, that’s not the same as being IN love.” i made jessica cry by repeating, “my baby doesn’t love me anymore. what did i do wrong?”
the saddest part is, i don’t actually remember most of this.
