was the summer i tried to drown myself in other people. before i learned that this never works, i tried desperately to escape who i hate(d) most: myself. this summer was similar in that i was trying to hide yet again.
it all comes down to a matter of inadequacy. i am not good enough. not smart enough, not pretty enough, not captivating enough. i deserve nothing and so that is what i am dealt.
why do you leave these stories unfinished?
the past week has been amazing, don’t get me wrong. the first week of classes. lunch with josh. kelly, john, jessica, ashley, and cameron all visiting me on my first shift as a night recep. ross’s birthday party. the first football saturday of the season. getting jenny to take my shift at work sunday night. ypsilanti with amy, john, and jeff. sneaking into a double feature with andrew and jon yesterday. all these good things happening around me and i still feel unfulfilled.
what did you find that could leave you walking by?
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Kristen, your posts make me so sad. And I can’t really tell you the reason why because I really don’t know. Maybe it’s because I feel a common thread between something I’ve felt and something you’re feeling. Maybe it’s something else. I’m not quite sure. But I am certain about this: if you were not smart enough or good enough, you wouldn’t have gotten into State and the HC. You wouldn’t have gotten an interview with Yale. You wouldn’t have gotten into the SMB and into block this year.
it’s true, she tells no lies.
Girls, girls, girls, why do none of them see how nearly perfect they are. Gotta find a way to get the 23rd off so i can come down and tell you that youre wrong and that you are good enough smart enough beautiful and captivating. If you werent all those things than i wouldnt feel the need to hold on to a friendship that i think just truely started only 2 years ago.