rachel asked me today in french if i was okay. i have been feeling muffled lately. like something is soaking up my emotions so i don’t feel anything. just …. nothingness. which made me begin to wonder; am i okay? i’ve lost two people in the last three weeks and you think i’d feel a [...]
honestly, i don’t know how much more my heart can take of this. if i have to go to one more funeral in the next year i am going to go crazy. my heart is slowly breaking. and it will be another two days at the church and funeral home. having people make false promises [...]
i slept in my mom’s bed last night. like a child that’s had a nightmare. i do not want to go to school today. i wanted a snow day more than i ever have in my life. i want to stay home because i have an awful feeling that something will set me off and [...]
tonight while kc is at catechism, mom is taking kathy and me over to grandma zelenka’s house to see [great] grandma schuler. you know why? because she is dying. i swear someone up there is testing me to see just how much i can take before i simply fall apart at the seams.
mom said i am a rock because i never cry.
rachel said she and amy agree that i am never happy happy or sad sad. i am always just okay okay.
i’ve been in my pajamas since two-thirty this afternoon. i’m so glad this funeral business is all over with. the viewing at the funeral home yesterday was quite boring. at least sean and his parents came for about half an hour. i was whining about being cold and sean’s dad said, “kristen, you’re always cold.” [...]
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